(all two things have a destiny together)

all two things have a destiny together.
i could be happy; but i will not be
i am what i am meant for. you think that's meant for me-
i really don't know. that's on you.
i only feel what i'm meant to do.

o, dearest & dearest
allow me to spread out & give me space to be what i am
like hair in water i spread out
like smoke in air i spread out
cut off my physicality, remove my swinishness,
and i will breathe night air again and know

these you could do for me, and watch me weep
breeding greater joy. i could be happy,
but my days are nothing gold.
i will move in and out of these doors
slowly growing old.
there is no underwater anymore except in memory.
there is nothing but memory left to hold.

if i am meant to haunt the rooms of this place
then that is what i am. and if you were meant
to remove me from these halls,
then i will go with you. i suppose
there is nothing more that i'm supposed to do;
behind this smile hides a nervous grimace,
but it has nothing to do with you. yellow dresses are a lie,
flowers tied and sunday drives, too.
but i think i'm meant to know them, one way or not,
i might be rotting but life is still my pull-along toy.
i could be happy in this seasonless world,
where there is no true pain and no true joy.