aurelia

"I stare and stare and stare at her, trying to imagine what it will be like when she leaves, how she will be different. I stare at her hands, her fingers like flower petals, pointed, stretching out. I wonder if I will forget her. The blackest red stain of her mouth. So much about us matches; she is my evil twin... " - R. Carter, Drown

You feel the knife in your pocket.
It is not your knife; it's your phone.
You run your thumb upon its razor edge.

Why didn't I call you
When I was crying?
You know these things.
(bottles of perfume on the desk,
the way things dangle in the closet.)

I hope
you don't mind
these public letters-

better yet in hand, or
in our hearts (we're
the same height,)
the same two-headed creature;

so that is why
i cannot meet you in my dream
or perhaps not even
on that perfect cloud you own

not in the stairwell,
or moon-eyed in the snow.

it is disturbing
like staring in the mirror.
 as if forced to face your own beauty at gunpoint.

woman by the sea
kohl-lined eyes behind the veil of a hat
false fishtail worn shopping

certainly a pair
that name you call me
like i am yours.
if i am, i am indeed
every now and then
fully and occasionally
yours

II.

My shoes are full of sand.
Perhaps this fishtail
Is real after all.

I am not a monster, so I adore you.
Of course I do! Don't be silly.
Is it so hard to carry on your shoulders?
Or to hook on your arm, like a basket of blooms?

We will disappear into the sea,
Nested between waves like egg-shaped hills,
between blue-capped dragon scales.
The underside is all treasure.
This is our glistening secret home.

I am caring, but irresponsible.
Every now and then you bristle.
O, pose me like a doll
(please)
 
III.

a sweet oasis nested in two years of sadness.
what it was like waking up to eyes the first time.
morning, morning, morning--
tea smells and pale light.

a medallion in my history;
i squeeze it tightly like a coin.